Home One Month

Hi everyone,

Yesterday was the one month anniversary of Caleb arriving in his new home in the US. In one month, he's gone from 11 lbs 5 ounces to 13 lbs 8 ounces! We are enjoying every minute with him. Seeing all of the changes in Caleb - both physical and emotional - is so rewarding.

Our main focus right now is on attachment and bonding. We've done our best to be consistent and sensitive to Caleb's transition from the orphanage to a new home with new sights, smells, language and people. He's been such a resilient little boy and has already shown very encouraging signs of bonding to us as his parents. I love the photo below, which was taken this evening when Bryan got home from the hospital. It shows our sweet baby boy holding on to his Daddy while they look outside into the backyard.

The one area we are still working on is feeding. Clearly Caleb is getting enough food since he is gaining weight, and he doesn't totally hate solids either. However, we often see him struggle with us during bottle feedings even when we know he is hungry. We realize he likely has negative associations with bottle feeding since his food made him feel so sick for the first 6 months of his life until he went on soy formula. On most feedings with us he does just fine, but occasionally he will get so upset - thrashing around, screaming, refusing eye contact, arching his back. It is hard to pinpoint exactly what is causing him to be upset.

After reading on an attachment website suggested by a fellow adoptive parent, I decided to take a different approach while feeding him. The testimonial of one parent on the website emphasized not giving up on your child when they are fighting like that, and that your child needs to see that you will not abandon them even when they are upset or being difficult.

At the next feeding when Caleb got very upset, I continued to cuddle him, sing to him, comfort him - anything to distract him from his emotional upset. All of the sudden as I started singing he stopped crying and looked at me, as if he was shocked that I was still there. He stopped struggling and allowed himself to be cradled and comforted. Caleb just kept looking at me, even reaching up to touch my face at one point as I sang. I eventually sang him to sleep for the first time ever. I have to admit I was crying as this all happened, as I realized that he was letting his guard down and allowing me to love and parent him.

Ironically, the song I was singing to him was "In the Secret" by Chris Tomlin. The lyrics seem so poignant given the situation:

In the secret, in the quiet place

In the stillness You are there.

In the secret, in the quiet hour I wait,

Only for You,'cause I want to know You more;

I want to know You,

I want to hear Your voice

I want to know You more.

I want to touch You,

I want to see Your face

I want to know You more.

I am reaching for the highest goal,

then I might receive the prize.

Pressing onward, pushing every hindrance aside,

Out of my way, 'cause I want to know you more

I want to know You,

I want to hear Your voice

I want to know You more.

I want to touch You,

I want to see Your face

I want to know You more.

The parallels between the adoption of a child and being an adopted child of God have been so apparent to me in the past month. As I reflected back on that first occasion of rocking Caleb to sleep, I thought about how closely that mirrors our relationship with God in many instances. We get angry, we struggle, we turn away and refuse to look for Him. Sometimes we don't even realize He is there. We sometimes think we are so hurt or so far gone that we don't even realize He is holding us, singing gently to us the entire time and telling us how much He loves us. We get caught up in the emotions of the moment, or possibly the emotions of the past and can't move forward. But the reality is that God constantly looks at us with love and commits to staying there with us in that moment - holding us, loving us, speaking to us until we decide to listen.

I feel challenged to love Caleb as God loves me, and to remember that as we work on our bond with our son we must also continue to cultivate our relationship with God.

Bryan and I continue to thank God for the opportunity to be the parents of an incredible, sensitive, intelligent, adorable, long-legged, blue-eyed baby boy. He is by far the greatest blessing we have received, and this past month the most joy-filled we have ever experienced.