Back to the Routine

It feels good to be home where we can brush our teeth under the faucet, leave our house and drive somewhere whenever we want, eat anything we desire, and most importantly spend time with our family and have fellowship with our friends. We've almost conquered the fanged, fire-breathing monster called Jet Lag. I went back to work today and Bryan started studying for his boards again. We're trying to focus on getting back into a routine.

It's kind of hard to do because my mind keeps drifting back to Tokmok and that little boy that we said no to. We said no. It's hard to say out loud and a difficult reality to face. Bryan took his pictures down in the house and we put all the digital pictures in a separate folder on the computer so we won't just happen upon them. It's not that I want to forget, it's just that I need to think about it when I'm feeling capable.

Our experience in Kyrgyzstan was one of the biggest lessons in humility that I've ever experienced. We learned many other things too, but I think what God really showed us was our fragility, our need for Him, our inability to handle everything in this world. It was so evident that self-reliance (my normal method of operating!) was not going to cut it when it came to adopting that little one, nor was it going to work when were were called to make a decision about our future with him.

All the circumstances - being in a foreign place, away from our families, away from our friends, me sick on the bathroom floor of the Silk Road Lodge - put us in such a place of vulnerability. There was no time to try to be self-reliant. It was all too clear that we didn't have it in us. We had to turn to Him and we weren't left feeling abandoned. Although we are sad, God still did not disappoint us in how He loved us through that time. It certainly doesn't feel much easier yet but I know it will be at some point.

I think there will always be a tender spot in our hearts for Maksat. In many ways I will always think of him as my first baby, because his sweet face was the first face we laid eyes on. He was the first one we prayed for by name and anticipated as part of our future holiday celebrations and family vacations. He was the first baby I held in my arms and considered my son. It's a loss but we know that in time God will fill our hearts with rejoicing. Like I've said many times before, He doesn't disappoint. :)

Kyrgyzstan Awesomeness

In spite of how difficult this trip has been, we wanted to share some Kyrgyzstan awesomeness with you.

Awesomeness #1: This morning as we look out our hotel window, we realized that the Kyrgyz A-Team van pulled up to pick someone up the Silk Road Lodge. Maybe this is Tom & Christina's driver??

Awesomeness #2: I have been running 102+ fever off and on since Day 2, which is so amazing because who wouldn't want to be sick in a foreign country?!?! I want you all to know that even though I am sick I am still showing my Kyrgyz spirit by sporting my new Kyrgyz hat which was purchased at the giant Zum department store yesterday afternoon. Fyi, that is a cold washcloth on my face to try to cool off my burning little body. I think I am pretty brave to post this kind of thing on the internet, but we want you all to know we haven't lost our sense of humor just because we are all the way in Bishkek. You should be glad that I'm wearing the hat in this photo because my hair looked pretty scary under there.

Awesomeness #3: We have our very own drug dealers/pharmacy here in Bishkek. Tom & Christina, our travel buddies, just hooked me up with a complimentary Z-pack. Thanks so much guys!! Hopefully that will start to knock out my little illness before I board the dreadful BMI flight from Bishkek to London. I think we're home-free once we are sitting on the exit row back to Houston on British Airways.

On a serious note, we want to thank everyone for their prayers, kind words and support. It has been so encouraging to us to know how many people care about us and how we are doing here on the other side of the world. We are so blessed to have such great families, friends, and friends within the Kyrgyz adoption community. Please know that we are ok, even though this has been very hard. We know that God has a purpose and plan for our trip here.

Love to you all,

Betsy & Bryan

Decision

We have spent a lot of time talking, praying and crying about baby Maksat since I posted last. We were able to consult with our IA doctors and after processing all the information we came to the decision that we cannot proceed with adopting this precious baby boy. This is not a decision we took lightly. It is so hard to walk away from an adorable baby whose picture we have been admiring for weeks. We believe him to be a special blessing from God and that we were called here to bring attention to his medical needs.

Our agency is working hard to get him the care that he needs, including having him stay at the Tokmok Children's Hospital for a few days to continue his evaluation and get better nutrition. We were able to hold him and say goodbye to him, telling him that we know God has wonderful plans for his life and that we will always love him and pray for him.

We are so appreciative of everyone's thoughtful comments on our blog, sweet e-mails and your prayers. While this has not been easy, the experience has reminded us of our amazing support system and shown us that God is faithful even when times are difficult. He helped to guide our decision and gave us an overwhelming sense of peace about that, and we praise Him for that.

At this point our plan is to stay in Kyrgyzstan until our scheduled departure time. Our agency has been nothing but supportive of our decision and is working hard to explore other options for us.

IA Doctor

Thank you everyone for your comments, prayers and support. We truly appreciate them and believe that you are all helping us to bear this burden.

I wanted to let everyone know that we have been utilizing the help of a great set of IA Doctors who have been reviewing Caleb's medical information since the first day we found out about him. Unfortunately their current opinion is that he likely has some pretty significant neurological problems. Bryan and I will certainly await the results of the brain ultrasound today, but we have been told that even if it looks normal there is still a high likelihood that Caleb has some long term medical issues that are fairly severe.

We feel prepared to face a difficult decision today and have the complete support of our agency. We are also blessed to have wonderfully supportive families and friends. Please continue to pray for us as today will likely be a very trying day for both of us.

Visit #2... and many prayer requests

Today we had our second visit with Caleb, who they call Maksat here. We left the orphanage very concerned yesterday about some of his behavior, specifically how he kept arching his back. It seemed like he was trying to get away from us and that he also just couldn't get comfortable. We decided that when we visited today that we would try not to overstimulate him. We realize he has probably never been held for 2 hours straight in his life, or had people talking to him and loving on him like we were.

When they brought him out he was wearing one of his new outfits! They chose a size 6-9 month outfit that we brought and he is clearly not a size 6-9 months!! The pants kept falling off so they eventually brought us a different pair of pants that were smaller and told us that we could take him outside... but only if he had a hat on. I guess they think he needs to stay super warm since it was at least 80 degrees outside at 10am. Here's a picture of Bryan carrying him from his baby house:

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We really enjoyed holding him outside. He is a very sweet, laid back and darling little boy. I thought he looked pretty funny in the hat they gave us. In this picture I think he kind of looks like a little old man with that hat on:

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Here is a picture of Caleb with his Daddy:

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Caleb seemed content to be held today. He only arched his back once or twice. We focused on not giving him too much eye contact, and on many occasions he would make eye contact with one of us. We would look back for a little bit and then look away to give him a "break". When we would turn back to look at him again he would still be looking at us. At one point he reached up and touched my cheek. To say we are in love with him is an understatement.

He started to get sleepy so I rocked him back and forth (one of his favorite things!) and sang Amazing Grace to him until he fell asleep. There is nothing sweeter than a sleeping baby.

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After our visit was over we met with the orphanage director to go over his medical history and background. We came on this trip with a few medical concerns already, so we knew she would probably mention his developmental delays since at age 4 months he can't hold his head up yet. What we didn't expect was for her to tell us that they think he has been having seizures and started him on anti seizure medication a few weeks ago. We are not sure why we had not been told this information as it was happening. Regardless, it is upsetting for us to hear and hard to know exactly what is wrong with him. We are unclear if he is having seizures (we haven't seen them happen) and we don't know the cause. It could be from a vitamin deficiency (highly likely due to the poor diet he recieves) or it could be a more serious seizure disorder coupled with other neurological problems.

We met with Saule (our in country coordinator) after we got back to the hotel and were able to share all our concerns with her. Saule had already begun trying to get an appointment with a pediatric neurologist at the Children's Hospital in Bishkek. She had been told the doctor was on vacation for at least another week. By the grace of God the doctor called her while were sitting there and said he was back from vacation and would examine Caleb tomorrow morning. We truly believe God is at work, and although we are unsure of the outcome and how we will proceed at this point we can clearly see that He loves this baby boy and has a plan to help him and bring him an amazing future. We are praying that his future will be with us.

We covet your prayers right now as we await the doctor's appointment tomorrow and prepare to make a decision about adopting this adorable baby boy. We know God will not give us more than we can handle, and that when it feels like too much He will take over and handle all of it for us. Please pray specifically for these things:

-For Caleb, that he would be healthy and that his needs would be met at the hospital tomorrow
-For the doctors, that they would have clarity and wisdom as they examine him
-For Bryan, that he would be able to understand the information given to him by the doctors and that God would be with him as he guides us in a decision about Caleb's medical issues
-For me, that I could be strong and trust God to be with us and for my health as the stress of all of this has made me physically sick
-For God's will to be done in this situation, and that we would have the courage to seek it and follow it

Right now I am reminded of a verse I packed with me as part of my 'spiritual equipment'. The passage is from Paul's letter to the Ephesians (Ephesians 3:4-21) and he is telling them what his prayer for them is. Paul talks about how complete God's love is, and how he hopes they will understand how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ. We can feel the love of God for us and for Caleb even in the midst of this struggle. His love has been wide enough to reach to the corners of Kyrgyzstan. His love is long enough to span our entire lives and the entirety of Caleb's life. His love is high enough to accompany us on our most joyous days - like meeting our son - and is deep enough to carry us on our darkest moments, like when we are terrified for this baby boy's health.

Please pray for us and for Caleb. We know that God can do immeasurably more than we ask or imagine just like Paul says to the Ephesians. We ask that you keep this information about his medical history private as we don't intend to share it on our public blog at this point. It is difficult news to share but we know we can only benefit from having more people praying for us and for Caleb.

Visit #1

I can hardly believe I am about to write a blog post telling all about how we met our son! It still sounds crazy and doesn't feel real.

Kuba picked us up around 11:45 to begin the drive to Tokmok. I was able to quickly observe that if you have a weak stomach, get car sick or are a nervous passenger then traveling from Bishkek to Tokmok is definitely not the road trip for you! My favorite practice is that if you want to pass someone, you just drive down the center of the road (where a center stripe would be painted in the US). Apparently the favorite time to do this is while you are heading for a dump truck! Surprisingly, neither of us were that panicked by the driving. We enjoyed the scenery and felt remarkably calm during the 1 hour 15 minute drive. I didn't take any pictures of the country side this time but I feel confident I will have more chances to do so!

When we got to the orphanage there were 4 other families there picking up their babies! It was a really neat experience to see all of them so elated to bring those babies home. It was also really touching to see the caregivers say goodbye to the babies. They were clearly upset to see them go and love them very much.

We waited outside for a little bit before Kuba led us into the baby house where Caleb is. They brought him out to us in what I like to call his "Strawberry Shortcake costume". Poor baby, dressed like a baby girl! We are hopeful they will start to dress him in some of the clothes we brought for him.

Holding him for the first time was just surreal. I know I can't do it justice. He is such a calm, sweet and darling baby boy. I think the caregivers had woken him up to come see us, but didn't seem too upset about it! We were able to hold him, talk to him and kiss him for 2 hours before it was time to say goodbye until tomorrow morning. We felt like some of the developmental concerns we had have improved since our last update about him, although he definitely needs some work on holding his head up! We noticed that his arms and legs were stronger than we expected and he was often straightening his legs out and 'pushing off' from us while we held him.

I have to say it is not the easiest environment to get to know your sweet baby, and it's hard to know how much interaction he is used to. My guess is that he doesn't get much interaction at all, especially being a quiet baby. We felt like it may have been difficult for him to be held for that long because he simply isn't used to it. The fact that the baby house is at least 85 degrees inside with on A/C and he's wearing long sleeved strawberry clothes probably doesn't help! We also noticed that he seemed to have a bit of a cold, so all around it may not have been his top day for a visit! We are looking forward to more visits with him so we can get to know him better and figure out exactly what his needs are.

And now for the pictures, which is why I know you are all here anyways. You probably didn't even read all my rambling... ;)

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PS: Hilary, what do you think about those Nebraska Cornhuskers socks he is sporting?? Did you have something to do with those showing up in Tokmok??? :) We wish they were Aggie socks but we decided to let it go... at least he's a Big 12 fan!

We Are Here!

Greetings from Bishkek, Kyrgyzstan!!! We made it here safe and sound, although we both feel like we are not exactly sure what day it is.

Our flight from Houston to London on British Airways was rather uneventful and I managed to get about 4 hours of sleep. I think Bryan got a little less than that. We were so lucky to have the exit row so Bryan could have some leg room! We had a 3 hour layover at London Heathrow where we met up with our travel buddies Tom & Christina. We got on our PACKED flight to Bishkek on BMI, or British Midland. We couldn't get the exit row but at least Bryan got an aisle seat. The flight took off over an hour late because they were waiting for the catering yahoos to deliver the tasty airplane food. After the food arrived we then had to wait in a long line to be able to take off. The movies didn't work on the plane and the A/C stopped working very well in the back of the plane for the last 3 or 4 hours of the trip. We stopped in Almaty to let people off and then continued on a 30 minute flight into Bishkek. It was pitch black when we landed so we couldn't tell too much about the city.

We got our passports & visas processed, collected our bags (THEY ALL MADE IT!!! woohoo) and then went through customs. Mr. Silk Road was waiting right there in a big crowd of people with a sign that had our names and Tom & Christina's names on it too. He loaded us up in the hotel van and we made the drive to Silk Road Lodge!

Our room has some interesting decor (ie, a giant live tree in a big pot full of dirt) but other than that it is just fine. The deluxe sized room is bigger than we thought. We decided to be cheap this time and not get a suite since we don't have Precious Boy with us yet. We had breakfast at the buffet (pastries, fruit, random breakfasts meats which I don't eat...) and are now waiting on Saule & Kuba to call us and let us know when it is time to go to Tokmok.

Right now it is hard to believe that we will be holding our son in just a few hours. It is just surreal, and being here is almost like an out of body experience because there is so much to take in. We both feel relatively calm right now although that could change once we get on the road to Tokmok. Please pray for us and for our little boy. Please also pray for Tom & Christina as this is a big day for them too.

I think this will be what gets us through today:

Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

We will try to post updates about Visit #1 this evening once we are back at our hotel!

Ready, Here We Come!

I know the saying is usually "Ready or not, here we come!" but at this point we're convinced that we are READY to go.

The bags are packed and we made sure there is nothing gnarly in the fridge. We took the cat to the vet, scream-crying all the way and the dog is blissfully ignorant of what is about happen. Our living room is now nicknamed "Operation Kyrgyzstan", which is appropriate since we are taking at least 150 lbs of stuff to the other side of the world... and also since Bryan performed a minor surgery on the biggest Samsonite. The zipper kept getting stuck on the lining, so duh, what else would you use to fix it? A suture kit of course! Let me point out that this is the same suture kit that was also utilized during crib assembly!!

We are so ready to hold Caleb in our arms, to claim him as our son and to enjoy every minute that we are blessed to spend with him. We covet your prayers as we prepare for the biggest leap of faith we have ever taken. Please pray for a safe journey, wonderful bonding time with our son and for God to prepare our hearts to be parents.

We will do our best to post once we have arrived in Kyrgyzstan to let you know we made it! We cannot wait to experience our son's country and culture, and to hopefully share it all with you. Thanks for your support and prayers. Next time you hear from us we'll be 7,313 miles away in Bishkek! Kyrgyzstan, HERE WE COME!!!

Here's a special treat and sneak preview for our friends on the private blog.... This is the precious face we can't wait to see! Just look at what we have to look forward to, and what God has blessed us with!!!

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Travel Plans

It's pretty cool to think that with every passing moment we are the closest we've ever been to meeting our baby boy. This is probably not the most genius statement I've ever made, but it leaves me awe struck nonetheless. I keep trying to imagine those first moments of holding him and I'm not sure my imagination will do justice to the real experience. I can't wait to experience that moment and tell all of you every detail.

I wanted to share our travel plans and itinerary so everyone will know when we'll be in the air and when we'll be on the ground.

• Sunday July 20th Depart Houston 8:00 PM/ Arrive London Heathrow 11:05 AM on July 21st
• Monday July 21st Depart Heathrow 1:30 PM/ Arrive Bishkek 3:15 AM on July 22nd
• Sunday July 27th Depart Bishkek 6:45 AM / Arrive London Heathrow 10:55 AM on July 27th
• Sunday July 27th Depart Heathrow 1:15 PM / Arrive Houston 5:30 PM on July 27th

I believe our total time in the air is 18 hours each way, not counting layovers or the brief landing in Almaty, Kazakhstan to let some people off the plane before we continue on to Bishkek. I have finally convinced Bryan that is ok for me to experience medicated sleep on the plane as long as I take some aspirin. Keep your fingers crossed that we don't get deep vein thrombosis. I'll be sure to walk the aisles to the microscopic airplane potty as much as possible to keep my blood pumping.

Our driver/translator Kuba will pick us up at our hotel around 10am on Tuesday morning to go meet little baby Caleb. The drive from Bishkek to his orphanage in Tokmok is about 1 hour each way. It's probably fair to say we'll have him in our arms by noon on Tuesday. For all our friends in Texas, Bishkek is 11 hours ahead of you. If you are confused just look at the clock on the left of this blog. No need to strain your brain figuring out what time it is on the other side of the world.

We will get to visit Caleb for hopefully 2 hours each day, Tuesday thru Friday. There is no way that will ever be enough time for us, but we have to believe that God will be faithful and give us a lifetime with him when it's time.

Our new current hobby is to stand on the bathroom scale, weigh ourselves then stand on the scale again holding one of the suitcases followed by some quick head math to see if our bag is overweight. Can I just say that I am way better at head math than Bryan is? I may not be too slick when it comes to science and saving people's lives, but if you need someone to do quick head math I'm your girl.

Back to packing...

Welcome!

Hi Family & Friends,

Welcome to our private blog! We are looking forward to keeping everyone posted while we are in Kyrgyzstan to meet our little boy. (In case you haven't figured out, we plan to name him Caleb Daniel).

We are hopeful that our internet connection in Bishkek will be good so we can upload pictures and video from each of our 4 visits with him. We will only get to visit him once a day for about 1-2 hours each visit. I can already promise you that this is not enough time!

Thank you for being a part of our adventure to Kyrgyzstan and our journey to be parents!

Love,
Betsy & Bryan